Follow up
to yesterday’s post. On a personal note we turned off the TV last night and
settled down to answer the 36 love questions. The first set were pretty easy,
much laughter and no tension. By the end of the third set we were being polite
with each other. And I sensed a little bit of passive aggression as
we agreed not to linger on the last question. Turn off the lights; put the cat
out, end of.
So take
care when (if) you choose to try this in an established relationship, it
may just be that it highlights what's not working or how one of
you feels more 'heard' than the other.
So how
else to rekindle loving feelings? How about hormones? Specifically the
major love hormone Oxytocin. Can increasing our oxytocin levels
make us more open to love and intimacy?
According
to some endocrine scientists
hormonal manipulation may well be the way to a future where love is
guaranteed, where oxytocin will be provided chemically, or even
genetically engineered from conception, making us more receptive to
love and more monogamous.
Oxytocin is best known for its roles in childbirth; it is
released in large amounts during birth, and facilitates breastfeeding. One of
the oldest applications of oxytocin as a proper drug is during labour and
delivery to induce or augment contractions. Some midwives will recommend nipple stimulation
to get labour moving if contractions begin to slow as this really gets the
oxytocin flowing. The intense bonding and overwhelming love we feel for our new-borns
is down to an oxytocin rush that causes us to fall in love and glues our attachment
to the little darlings.
So what about
oxytocin in couples; professor Ruth Feldman at Bar-Ilan
University in Israel, studied oxytocin’s role in the mother–child
bond before comparing oxytocin levels in new lovers and
singles. “The increase in oxytocin during the period of falling in love was the
highest that we ever found,” she says of a study she and her colleagues
published in Psychoneuroendocrinology.
New lovers had double the amount of the hormone than present in pregnant women.
Given its attachment role will oxytocin work as a
relationship enhancer? Science seems to think the way forward for
marriage guidance is artificial oxytocin supplementation to maintain
or even improve romantic relationships.
Feldman
thinks that the types of behaviours that are present in healthy
relationships are intimately linked with oxytocin in a positive
feedback loop. “Oxytocin can elicit loving behaviours, but giving and
receiving these behaviours also promotes the release
of oxytocin and leads to more of these behaviours,” she says.
She believes therapy alone can boost the oxytocin system, but
doesn't see a problem with jump starting the process with outside
help; talk and hormone therapy together might be the solution to long lasting
love.http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/be-mine-forever-oxytocin/
Having
tried the talking what can we do to increase the oxytocin naturally and make us
feel more connected and loving?
In no
particular order.....
1. Give full attention. Instead of being
glued to the TV, give the person you are with your complete
attention. Watch their face and listen to what they are telling you.
2. Give a present. Oxytocin studies
showed that receiving gifts raise oxytocin. The key is not to expect a gift in return, just surprise someone for
no reason.
3. Share a meal. Eating moderately is
calming and helps us bond with others. Including a glass of wine is fine, too.
(You can increase the effect by combining with #1 and 2)
4. Nipple stimulation. Even imagining having your
nipples tweaked can produce a full on oxytocin rush; incorporate it into a
visualisation or self-hypnosis practise and expect powerful results.
5. Have a bath or shower together. The warm temperature and time together
offer the chance to reconnect with fun. Remember when your children were little
and bath time was a shared experience, well its equally oxytocin inducing with
your partner.
6. Ride a roller coaster or jump out of a plane. Activities
that cause moderate stress and are done with one or more other people raise
oxytocin.
7. Stroke a dog. This doesn't always work
unless the dog belongs to you, but if you are a "dog person," any old
dog will raise your oxytocin. I can’t find any evidence about cats however
8. Use the "L" word. Tell
those around you that you love them, often, and on repeat. Think about those
you love when you can’t be with them and really feel get in touch with the way
it floods you with hormones.
9. Daily hugs. Touch not only raises
oxytocin, but it reduces cardiovascular stress and can improve the immune
system. Plus you give others the gift of oxytocin.(# 2)
10. Use social media. This is a bit counter
intuitive to me but apparently, 100% of the people tested using social
media had an increase in oxytocin. ( I cant find this research now so cant back
it up)
And if all else fails my husband forwarded this to me this morning
-
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/01/26/fall-love A follow-up study to see whether the
intimacy between two committed partners can be broken down by forcing them to
ask each other thirty-six questions no one in a relationship should actually
ask.
No comments:
Post a Comment