Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Love Part 2 - The Role of Oxytocin



Follow up to yesterday’s post. On a personal note we turned off the TV last night and settled down to answer the 36 love questions. The first set were pretty easy, much laughter and no tension. By the end of the third set we were being polite with each other. And I sensed a little bit of passive aggression as we agreed not to linger on the last question. Turn off the lights; put the cat out, end of.
So take care when (if) you choose to try this in an established relationship, it may just be that it highlights what's not working or how one of you feels more 'heard' than the other.
So how else to rekindle loving feelings? How about hormones? Specifically the major love hormone Oxytocin. Can increasing our oxytocin levels make us more open to love and intimacy? 
According  to some endocrine scientists  hormonal manipulation may well be the way to a future where love is guaranteed, where oxytocin  will be provided chemically, or even genetically engineered from conception, making us more receptive to love and more monogamous. 

Oxytocin is best known for its roles in childbirth; it is released in large amounts during birth, and facilitates breastfeeding. One of the oldest applications of oxytocin as a proper drug is during labour and delivery to induce or augment contractions. Some midwives will recommend nipple stimulation to get labour moving if contractions begin to slow as this really gets the oxytocin flowing. The intense bonding and overwhelming love we feel for our new-borns is down to an oxytocin rush that causes us to fall in love and glues our attachment to the little darlings.
So what about  oxytocin  in couples;  professor Ruth Feldman at Bar-Ilan University in Israel,  studied oxytocin’s role in the mother–child bond before  comparing oxytocin levels in new lovers and singles. “The increase in oxytocin during the period of falling in love was the highest that we ever found,” she says of a study she and her colleagues published in Psychoneuroendocrinology. New lovers had double the amount of the hormone than present in pregnant women.
Given its attachment role will oxytocin work as a relationship enhancer? Science seems to think the way forward for marriage guidance is artificial oxytocin supplementation to maintain or even improve romantic relationships.
Feldman thinks that the types of behaviours that are present in healthy relationships are intimately linked with oxytocin in a positive feedback loop. “Oxytocin can elicit loving behaviours, but giving and receiving these behaviours also promotes the release of oxytocin and leads to more of these behaviours,” she says. She believes therapy alone can boost the oxytocin system, but  doesn't see a problem with jump starting the process with outside help; talk and hormone therapy together might be the solution to long lasting love.http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/be-mine-forever-oxytocin/ 

Having tried the talking what can we do to increase the oxytocin naturally and make us feel more connected and loving?

In no particular order.....
1. Give full attention. Instead of being glued to the TV, give the person you are with your complete attention. Watch their face and listen to what they are  telling you.
2. Give a present.  Oxytocin studies showed that receiving gifts raise oxytocin. The key is not to expect a gift in return, just surprise someone for no reason.
3. Share a meal. Eating moderately is calming and helps us bond with others. Including a glass of wine is fine, too. (You can increase the effect by combining with #1 and 2) 
4. Nipple stimulation. Even imagining having your nipples tweaked can produce a full on oxytocin rush; incorporate it into a visualisation or self-hypnosis practise and expect powerful results. 
5. Have a bath or shower together.  The warm temperature and time together offer the chance to reconnect with fun. Remember when your children were little and bath time was a shared experience, well its equally oxytocin inducing with your partner.
6. Ride a roller coaster or jump out of a plane. Activities that cause moderate stress and are done with one or more other people raise oxytocin.
7. Stroke a dog. This doesn't always work unless the dog belongs to you, but if you are a "dog person," any old dog will raise your oxytocin. I can’t find any evidence about cats however
8. Use the "L" word. Tell those around you that you love them, often, and on repeat. Think about those you love when you can’t be with them and really feel get in touch with the way it floods you with hormones. 
9. Daily hugs.  Touch not only raises oxytocin, but it reduces cardiovascular stress and can improve the immune system. Plus you give others the gift of oxytocin.(# 2)
10. Use social media. This is a bit counter intuitive to me but apparently, 100% of the people tested using social media had an increase in oxytocin. ( I cant find this research now so cant back it up)



And if all else fails my husband forwarded this to me this morning -
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/01/26/fall-love  A follow-up study to see whether the intimacy between two committed partners can be broken down by forcing them to ask each other thirty-six questions no one in a relationship should actually ask.



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