Thankfulness? Why not gratitude?
There is something about the word ‘Gratitude’ that grates on me; it makes me feel that an outside force is prompting me to look at how lucky I am, that I should be ‘bloody well grateful’. The commodification of the ‘attitude of gratitude’- buying a specific journal, having to think of three reasons every day to be grateful - feels fake to me.
However I am motivated to be thankful; a natural response for my appreciation of the good in life is to say “thank you”.Thankfulness has a lovely fullness about it; an overflowing of thanks, of being so full up with thanks that I can’t wait to share it, so full of wellbeing that I know how good it is for me without needing to be reminded.
And it worries me when I am encouraged to be grateful as a tool to increase my health rather than enjoying the experience of noticing, and appreciating, the daily pleasure of saying thank you.
However I am motivated to be thankful; a natural response for my appreciation of the good in life is to say “thank you”.Thankfulness has a lovely fullness about it; an overflowing of thanks, of being so full up with thanks that I can’t wait to share it, so full of wellbeing that I know how good it is for me without needing to be reminded.
And it worries me when I am encouraged to be grateful as a tool to increase my health rather than enjoying the experience of noticing, and appreciating, the daily pleasure of saying thank you.
Three Types of Thankfulness:
1. Giving thanks (external)
The Relationship of Thankfulness to Increased Well-being:
Gratitude research suggests that we benefit in a multitude of ways when we practise daily gratefulness; greater emotional stability, healthier relationships, better physical health, enhanced happiness and increased productivity at work.
I am concerned that, whilst these are all valuable and positive reasons to be grateful, they are external goals that place gratitude on our ‘to do’ list. Another task to tick off at the end of the day.
Thankfulness, in the way I like to perceive it, is intrinsically motivated. Expressing thanks becomes a quiet practice that embeds itself deeply in our core values. A way of being that fosters our self-acceptance and amplifies our experience of wholeness.
When we express thanks, for ourselves or others or the wonders of the world, or we acknowledge others appreciation of ourselves, our brains respond by releasing feel good hormones. Dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin make us feel even more loved and valued, giving us more reasons to be thankful. The virtuous cycle of thankfulness, the ebb and flow of being thanked, of communicating thankfulness, generates strong relationship bonds, both to others and to the way we relate to ourselves.
Thankfulness doesn’t need an app to remind us to be grateful; it gently encourages us with every ‘thank you’ uttered that this is what feels good and right.
See: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11706352/Gratitude-the-latest-self-help-trend-that-could-change-your-life.html
1. Giving thanks (external)
- We say thank you for what someone has done for us – thank you for the gift, thank you for your email, thank you for unstacking the dishwasher.
- We say thank you for what someone means to us – thank you for being you, thank you for being there when I needed you, thank you for listening.
- We express thanks when we feel in awe of the world around us. Thank you to an external source whose creativity we appreciate but haven’t got a direct line to.
- Saying thank you to ourselves when we have done a good job; noticing when we can give ourselves a pat on the back, showing kindness and appreciation for all the ways in which we make it through each day.
- How mindful are we when someone offers us a heartfelt thank you? Often we brush it off, we feel uncomfortable when our efforts are acknowledged. But accepting thanks is as important as offering it. Relationships are enhanced when we are equals, when we can give and take with good grace. Recognising the gift of a thank you as an act of friendship, a token of love, a sign that we are worthy, generates pleasant feelings all round.
The Relationship of Thankfulness to Increased Well-being:
Gratitude research suggests that we benefit in a multitude of ways when we practise daily gratefulness; greater emotional stability, healthier relationships, better physical health, enhanced happiness and increased productivity at work.
I am concerned that, whilst these are all valuable and positive reasons to be grateful, they are external goals that place gratitude on our ‘to do’ list. Another task to tick off at the end of the day.
Thankfulness, in the way I like to perceive it, is intrinsically motivated. Expressing thanks becomes a quiet practice that embeds itself deeply in our core values. A way of being that fosters our self-acceptance and amplifies our experience of wholeness.
When we express thanks, for ourselves or others or the wonders of the world, or we acknowledge others appreciation of ourselves, our brains respond by releasing feel good hormones. Dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin make us feel even more loved and valued, giving us more reasons to be thankful. The virtuous cycle of thankfulness, the ebb and flow of being thanked, of communicating thankfulness, generates strong relationship bonds, both to others and to the way we relate to ourselves.
Thankfulness doesn’t need an app to remind us to be grateful; it gently encourages us with every ‘thank you’ uttered that this is what feels good and right.
See: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11706352/Gratitude-the-latest-self-help-trend-that-could-change-your-life.html
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